(as told by Deanna Flores Cochran, RN)
Here’s How It Unfolded…
Part 1: Solve a Problem
It all started back in 2005 when I cared for my mother during her dying time. After her death in June, I began in my advocacy as an online resource center in 2005, for the purpose of reducing suffering at the end of life by providing resources, education, and support. I gave presentations, created a blog, provided professional End-of-Life Doula services, and also served as a Palliative Advocate. I met leaders around the globe as we found each other through our education efforts in bringing peace and possibilities at the end of life (thank you Dr. Byock for that phrase). Our movement began to unify as our communities and education goals were the same. I was not expecting my service to take the turn it did though. As people began reaching out about my work, instead of asking me to help them with their dying loved one, they were asking me to teach them how I was managing my own private end-of-life practice. I asked them what their biggest fears were. They told me it was getting over imposter syndrome, not really knowing enough, and not having a clue how to develop their business. I began a year-long process of developing exactly what they told me they needed; and Certified CareDoula® was born in 2010. I have been training laypeople, as well as healthcare professionals using this process ever since. Today, Certified CareDoula® is in its 16th year!
(Certified CareDoula® shares the distinction with Living Well Dying Well in UK of being the 1st End-of-Life Doula Certificate Programs in the world in 2010).
Part 2: Ahead of the Curve
I didn’t realize I was part of ‘leading a grassroots movement’ at the time. There were literally only 2-3 people on the internet in 2005 in this arena, there were people already doing similar work, but we did not know of each other. Over time, I met with other leaders, created platforms for unity, and founded many initiatives including being a founding member of the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance and serving as Chair of the End-of-Life Doula Advisory Council (within the NHPCO) for our first 2.5 years. I began developing corporate doula programs, my students got results, and I’m honored to continue to mentor trailblazers around the world.
Part 3: Education Focus
Spending all my time in public service and leadership was exactly what needed to happen for all those years. I served families and focused strongly on my students and public education. My students are out there changing the world; it’s the best use of my time to guide them and give them all I have. I wrote my #1 Amazon bestseller in 3 categories, ‘Accompanying the Dying,’ and it is now the ‘go-to’ for end-of-life advocates. It is now published in Spanish and is a tool for unity in Latin America as the doula concept spreads. My joy is in guiding people to take the next right baby step. It doesn’t matter how either, because being present with just our own circles is changing the face of dying in our communities. From the beginning, pre-hospice teaching has been my highest priority because my knowledge and understanding about this is what made THE difference in my mother not suffering with a very aggressive cancer prior to her death.
Part 4: Too much Too Fast
Thrilled to be a part of so much, I hired a team, invested in mentors, and continued to scale the CareDoula® School so we could help more people. We re-branded, finessed our processes, and made even more of an impact. I was featured in the NY Times, Huff Post, Medscape and others. My dreams came true of making a difference in the world and I was respected by my colleagues and students. But beneath the surface, I wasn’t doing well, my health was significantly compromised and I wasn’t practicing what I preached about not losing your life to serve others.
Part 5: Finding Zen
We started to simplify—I pulled out of all of my leadership positions, quit accepting outside invitations, and started focusing on my health, family, and students only. The idea was simple, more with less. I prioritized my self-care—the anthem of the doula. We aimed to make the most impact—while simultaneously minimalizing stress and return to the joy I used to have. We teach what we need to learn. After 2 years of experimentation, we found what we believe is the perfect model. I call it “Owning Your Doula Shoes”: caring for ourselves as we serve others and enjoying every step of the journey. We live it, and we teach it too.